Ahsoka v the Empire
by 1-1 Marines
Summary: A reference to a famous scene from Red vs. Blue, not to be taken seriously under any circumstances. Rated for language and violence.
**ME: Time for a more humorous one-shot referencing a famous scene from RVB. Based off conversations I had with my buddy, Tigerclaw97.**

"RUN!" Minister Maketh Tua screamed as she, Grand Moff Tarkin, the Inquisitor (nicknamed "Inky"), and Agent Kallus fled from a Togruta.

"Double time it, all of you!" the Governor of the Outer Rim ordered. "We cannot afford to let this Jedi catch us!"

"I think maybe you all should try fighting her off," Tua said as she desperately tried to catch her breath, afraid of the fearsome warrior. "Otherwise I think she'll just pick us off one-by-."

A hand reached out and grabbed Tua by her blond hair.

"-one," she whimpered as Ahsoka spun the hapless bureaucrat around and literally kicked her ass, sending the Minister flying into Inky.

"Die, Jedi scum!" Tarkin shouted as he and Kallus opened fire. "Die!"

Ahsoka batted away the blaster bolts with her lightsabers, sliced Tarkin's blaster in half before kicking the Grand Moff in the chest, then promptly kicked Kallus in the groin.

"By the Empire!" Kallus groaned in pain.

Inky got up and activated his disc lightsaber's spinning mode. "Stand back, Jedi," he snarled. "I'm warning you!"

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Gotta do better than that, Inky," she said as she stabbed her white blades into his hilt before slicing it apart.

"Son of a bitch!" Inky yelled, now even more afraid of the Togruta Jedi. "I knew I should have gotten a conventional lightsaber!"

Ahsoka punched the Pau'an Dark Jedi in the face, giving him a black eye. She then turned back to Kallus, lifted him into the air with the Force, then sent him flying towards a nearby TIE fighter.

"NO! NO! NO!" Kallus screamed before his groin slammed into one of the TIE's wings. "Why won't you just kill me?" the ISB Agent whimpered in an uncharacteristic manner.

Tarkin shook his head, angry at the incompetence of the Lothalian Imperials. "You idiots!" he yelled. "Let me show you how a real servant of the Emperor does things!"

"HIYAH!" Ahsoka said as she kicked Tarkin in the face, breaking his nose and knocking out some of his teeth. "That was for trying to get me executed, asshole!"

"Very impressive, Governor Tarkin," Kallus remarked sarcastically, having recovered since he injected himself with a painkiller.

"Ah, shut up, Kallus," Tarkin replied.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I've never hit a woman before in my life!" Inky admitted.

"Yes, Inquisitor, I've noticed!" Tua relied as she picked up a crowbar, desperate to fend off Ahsoka. "Please, I beg you, try harder!"

Ahsoka yanked Kallus's bo-rifle out of his hands with the Force, put away her lightsabers, and proceeded to engage the Imperials in hand-to-hand combat. The results were...predictable.

"This is literally the worst day ever," Kallus groaned as he lay on the ground, defeated.

"Of all time," Inky agreed.

Suddenly a lightsaber hit Ahsoka in the head. She grunted in pain and discovered it to be the first lightsaber she had created as a Padawan.

 _I sense someone in the Force...a presence I've not sensed in years...Oh,_ fuck me.

"Hey, Snips," Vader said. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"

"Does that include your new pumps, Skyguy?" Ahsoka retorted.

"That name no longer has any meaning for me!" Vader growled in anger. Meanwhile Spectre Team ran into view, weapons at the ready.

"Damn, Kallus," Zeb taunted, "Ahsoka made you guys her bitches."

"Enough!" Vader yelled before he Force pushed Ahsoka away, stunning her. "You are all a bad influence on Ahsoka!"

"We're the bad influence?!" Kanan asked incredulously.

Vader promptly engaged Kanan in combat before proceeding to slice off both of Kanan's arms, causing the Jedi to scream in pain before the Sith Lord grabbed him by his shirt and threw Kanan into a pile of crates. Ezra attacked Vader soon after, only to be backhanded.

"OW, MY FACE!" yelled Ezra. "MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!"

" _Demagolka!_ " Sabine cursed, firing at Vader.

"What?" the Dark Lord asked, deflecting blaster fire casually as he did so.

"You just slapped a kid!" shouted Zeb.

Hera: "What do you think your mother would say if she saw you now?"

"MY MOTHER WAS MURDERED!" Vader shouted. He shoved them all away with a Force push, grabbed Zeb, and dropped him over an extended knee.

"OH ASHLA, MY BACK!" Zeb screamed.

Just as Vader began to choke both Sabine and Hera with the Force, Ahsoka jumped in front of him.

"PLEASE STOP, ANAKIN!" she screamed.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because then I would be upset." Ahsoka looked the cyborg in the eye, doing her best to look cute. "You wouldn't want your precious Snips to be upset, right?"

Wordlessly Vader complied, releasing Sabine and Hera.

"Why is that both adorable and intimidating?" Ezra asked, clutching his bloody nose.

"She's Ahsoka Tano, boy," answered Vader. "It's what she does."

 **ME: A/N: I hope you guys liked this.**


End file.
